Undoing
In this week’s newsletter I visited the subject of undoing. In life we learn a lot of shit that we later have to undo and mindfully deconstructing those expectations is what I call the art of undoing. One of those lessons is the idea that we’re never doing enough, no matter how much we’re actually doing. Do more. Sound familiar? Perhaps it was this message that lead to my becoming a major overachiever (come to think of it, most of the women I know struggle with the same issue) and pushing myself so hard that I eventually crashed, finding myself unhappy and exhausted.
It was soon after my son was born that I met a mentor who began to challenge me to undo the parts of my life that were no longer serving me. It’s no coincidence that I found her when I did - new mom, closing down a business, working a full time job, and on the brink of divorce. My soul was longing for something different and thus the undoing began.
As I sent out last week’s newsletter, focused on releasing the pressure of obligations and choosing life instead, it occurred to me that my message could be taken to the extreme. How do we know when we’re undoing too much? If we practiced this beautiful art, would there be nothing left?
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While this is a fair question, the truth is, if you follow me regularly and listen to my message you will hear that even in the midst of a practice like undoing, there is still plenty of doing left to go around. What I mean by this is that the point of undoing is not to undo everything until there is nothing left and we have a meaningless existence. The art of undoing is about unwinding our relationship with what we “should” be doing, releasing the pressure of what doesn’t feel right, and instead very intentionally choosing exactly what we want. The practice of undoing is undoing expectation, undoing external ideas that have been put upon us, and committing to doing what really wakes us up, makes us feel passionate, alive. Doing what we really love and believe in and choose to do with absolute conviction; belief in ourself; joy; enlightenment; favor; all the things that feel really good on the inside. The things that fill us up, cause our lights to shine brighter, inspire others, and make us “better” women and men, more intriguing humans, more supportive friends, more present, open parents, more compassionate (i.e. passionate) lovers. Undoing is about becoming; really living life with passion and purpose.
So, where do you feel called to begin? What do you want to start undoing today? Are you beating yourself up for not posting enough even though it drains your spiritual bank account? Are you yelling at your kids because you can’t take making one more god damned dinner after a long day of work? Are you going through the motions in your relationship even though staying is crushing your soul? Are you only dating partners that fulfill your parents’ expectations, but leave you empty inside? For me, last week, it was literally giving up the pressure to write a blog post for my loyal readers and instead taking some time to feel like a normal human.
See, while I LOVE writing these posts I’m also doing a lot of really hard work right now, healing an especially disturbing childhood trauma that filters into every corner of my life. So, I found that when I came up for air, taking a break from EMDR and all the processing to just live life, I didn’t want to write. I didn’t want to process or communicate anything even remotely intelligent (okay maybe that’s an exaggeration). BUT, I did just want to play. So, as scary as it was to put my blog on a shelf for a minute, I knew I needed to spend the time I usually spend writing and researching, snuggling, walking, laughing, and not really thinking about anything other than the moment I was in.
I can’t say what path your undoing will take. What I will suggest is the idea that there will be many iterations and even various trails at different moments in time. The idea is to allow all that you ever dreamed to show up for you today and space has to be created in order for that to happen. So, stay present my loves and let the undoing begin.
