Why I Gave My Vegetarian Diet a Break and How I Leaned In To Meat

Ok, I must admit, I'm an animal lover by nature.  From the time I was a child I felt an overwhelming amount of compassion toward these sweet beings.  It was like I could look in their eyes and see their soul.  However, growing up in a traditional Kentucky home I regularly ate fried chicken, hamburgers, and meat of all kinds.  Then, when I was twelve, as part of a school project I watched a video on the treatment of cows in the meat industry.  Needless to say, that very day I became vegetarian.  Throughout the years I've went round and round with my decision.  Do you know how difficult it was to be a twelve year old vegetarian in rural Kentucky in 1991? Well let me tell you, it wasn't easy.  At times I was pescatarian.  Other times I would only eat the occasional poultry.  Then, after a period of time, I'd once again find myself coming back to my vegetarian (sometimes even vegan) ways.  I'd carry on in this manner for months, even years and then the urge to eat some form of meat would hit yet again.  This urge wasn't one of the primal sort.  If so, I could transcend it through meditation or willpower.  No, this was a cry from my body for a form of nourishment that made no sense to my brain.  Imagine how perplexing this has been for me when I believe so deeply in a vegan/vegetarian lifestyle.  The thing is I also believe very deeply in following my inner knowing and when my intuition tells me I need animal protein to flourish, I trust it.  So, how exactly did I make peace with this internal conflict?

First, I gave myself permission to grieve the parts of me that aren't what I wish they were.  I allowed myself to feel sad that my body wanted something different than my brain and maybe even my heart.  Then, I thanked my body for being so honest with me.  It takes a lot to speak up and tell someone something they don't want to hear so I wanted to be sure to show appreciation for all that bravery! Finally, I got smart about how I could make the most environmentally friendly and healthiest choices possible when it came to the meat I was going to eat.  That means I make a conscious effort to buy meats from local farmers who treat animals with love, kindness, and respect (I'm talking grass fed/pastured meats and true free range chickens) and I buy only responsibly wild caught fish to keep the ecosystem as happy and healthy as my body.  And guess what? It's okay.  Ultimately I have a decision.  I can sit around and loathe my body for these damn chronic conditions and needing a low carb high fat/protein diet to keep my autonomic nervous system on track... OR... I can choose to love, embrace, and support myself where I am and use this challenge to expand my worldview.  I choose the latter.  Right where I am is just perfect.  It's challenging and sometimes feels hard as fuck, but it's perfect.   

So, when I noticed myself craving fish late winter a couple of years ago, I listened.  See, on a regular day, the very thought of eating meat would literally disgust me.  That is not an exaggeration.  At the time I started eating meat again I was completely repulsed by it.  So, when I began craving it, I knew something was up.  Through the help of my mentor and various other energy healers I've learned to get curious about my thoughts and feelings rather than judging them.  I've learned to trust my body and to listen when it speaks.  I've learned that what it has to say may not always be easy to hear, but it will be healing.  So, I paid attention.  I started eating fish any time my body asked for it.  Yes, it made me feel a little nervous at first, so I did some relaxing energy work, stayed present, and dug in.  Next up was pepperoni.  It was a hot spring day when we went out for pizza and I just had to have some pepperoni.  So, guess what? I ordered it! It was absolutely delicious and I felt total nourishment from that yummy, salty meat.  Then, the strangest thing happened.  I took my son out to dinner one night and instead of only looking at the vegetarian selections I decided to peruse the entire menu and by god if the steak didn't sound delicious.  What in the world was happening to me? Was I becoming a full-fledged meat eater?! Well, not exactly.  For one, I'm not even sure what that means and secondly I do still love me some good ol' vegetarian food.  However, what I think I'm learning in all of this is that my body is a complex system with complicated needs.  When I try to put it in a very simple box of rules it just doesn't work.  I end up feeling ran down, fatigued, unhealthy, and completely out of balance.  So, with that in mind I'm looking at food very differently these days.  To be honest, since I first made these changes I’ve learned that this flexible way of eating applies to most of my food rules. Sometimes I need more carbs because too much keto sends me soaring. Sometimes I practice intermittent fasting, sometimes my body asks for breakfast. I'm just trying to pay attention to my body, notice how I feel after I eat (for instance, simple carbs and sugars often send me straight into tachycardia), and adjust accordingly.  

So you may ask why not only eat meat for a little bit and go back to a full vegetarian diet? Well, to be honest, I'd love to do that.  However, that's always been my stance and it never fails that I end up back here (remember, I've been in this cycle for twenty-six years).  So, I thought maybe this time I'd be open to something a little different.  Maybe I'd try a steady stream of animal protein infused into my diet more regularly so I don't get so depleted and end up here... again.

The final straw was when I saw my electrophysiologist after making this change.  I mentioned to him that I'd been feeling a lot better and in the course of our conversation I mentioned that I'd began eating meat here and there again.  Being the amazing doctor that he is, he asked me a few more questions and then went on to explain some things about my individual needs based on my particular body composition, function, and overall health.  See, since most of my health issues stem from the autonomic nervous system I walk a fine line between healthy and bed-ridden.  Any number of things can throw me off track (lack of sleep, too much caffeine, emotional distress, my period, even the wrong kind of carbs) and food is one area where I have complete freedom to make choices that will best support my health and overall well-being.  So, it is my responsibility to make mindful choices and to support myself and this planet in the best way I possibly can.  According to my doctor and my internal knowing, for me that means eating more proteins (and not just the plant based kind), healthy fats, and complex carbs and cutting out the simple carbs and sugar.  I need the specific amino acids, proteins and fats in fish and even grass fed steak to support mitochondrial function, heart health, and brain power among other things.  Living with dysautonomia and ehlers danlos syndrome can be physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting, so if eating a few servings of fish and meat a week will help me stay on track I'm going to do it.  

Now don't get me wrong, part of me still truly believes in the idea of veganism and maybe there will always be part of me that longs for the ability to practice that with gusto.  However, in the spirit of embracing myself, I MUST embrace my body's needs, and for now that includes meat. I’m often intrigued by the ebb and flow of life and this is just one example of what I find so fascinating.. longing for one thing and higher self drawing us toward another. Then, watching what happens when we surrender. Noticing how our world shifts, what we become newly aware of, the feelings that arise.. especially how something as simple as food choice can ignite internal awakening.

Hopefully this post inspires you to follow your inner knowing, even when it is difficult. After all, life is full of contradictions, so why not practice living more comfortably and consciously in them?!

For more on the great food debate read my post Nurturing Nourishment.