Wake Up Before You Wig Out
Lately things have been getting overwhelming. Between doctor appointments and PT I’m supposed to fit in working out, down time, meditation, reading, monitoring my BP and heart rate (new medication requirement), eating healthy, getting enough water, my son’s schedule, and that’s not even the half of it. So, how do I handle it?
In the last few days I’ve been reminded to take it slowly, stay in the moment, and focus on one thing at a time. Too much on my schedule is sure to send me into overdrive, too little I’m bored stiff, and there never seems to be a natural balance unless I create it. Add in daily decisions to keep myself feeling optimally and it can be a shit show over here. So, reintroducing a bit of much needed flow is just what I’ve set out to do. I recently spoke about my desire for routine and how, in contrast, walking the tightrope of dysautonomia often requires me to adapt quickly to life and body changes. The contrast between my desire and my real life situation has been too much for me lately and I needed a change. So, naturally, that got me curious, questioning what could be routine in my life even when things feel so out of control. The answer was obvious. Presence.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that presence is the routine my body is calling after. Sure it’s calming to awaken every morning and know exactly what I’m going to do for the first hour or two. I mean routine is one of the most calming things I can come back to when I’m feeling anxious. Sometimes though, that doesn’t serve me. My physical body has ever-changing needs, which means routine is not always promoting my highest health. Yes, there are non-negotiables - hygiene, lemon water, grounding, sun-gazing, and meditation are all good examples of that. But there are some negotiable as well. Will I reach for Bulletproof Coffee or Matcha? Will I use butter or non-dairy milk? Will I eat first? Add collagen? What about adaptogens or essential oils? So many choices and while I’m most comfortable running on autopilot in this area my body prefers me to check in. Honestly when I think about it, I don’t even really have to think about it. In a nanosecond I know what I want. It is only when I complicate my decisions with overthinking and dissection that my choices become difficult.
Same goes for working out. Sure, my physical therapist may have me on a regimen, but what if that doesn’t always feel right? What if I’m more symptomatic one day or less another? So many decisions! Do I walk, jog, run? For how long? What about resistance training or yoga? Barre? Pilates? Am I more energized if I work out in the morning or should I save it for the evening? Do I even have time for working out given all my other responsibilities and spoons for the day? Can I afford not to?
What about that to-do list? What happens when my list of doctors appointments feels longer than the days in a week? Will I really have the energy to get to all of them? That doesn’t even take account of what I need to do for and with Jagger. Then there’s the time and energy of being in a relationship. On and on.
All of these thoughts can really kick anxiety into high gear. So, here’s what I do when I’m spinning and overwhelmed. This is how I come back to self and practice presence. Take a breath. Get in my body. Really feel my body. Feel the weight of myself. Pay attention to where I connect with earth or structure. Occupy myself. Take up space. Be heavy. Dense. At least for a moment. Feel all that I am. Notice my physicality. Now, bring my being into that space (the part of me that is not physical). Bring attention to my physical realm. Pay attention. Sit. Listen. Walk. Be.
This is how I come back to self. This is how I know I will make the right choice in every situation. This is how I know I can accomplish the important stuff and deal with anything that comes my way. Through practicing presence. This is how I manage the anxiety of too much and the fear of too little. There is always a space within that knows. The soul. The divine. Our knowing. The more we access it the more intimate we become with it. The more we practice aligning the more familiar we become with how alignment feels in our body. The easier it becomes to trust our choices in the moment.
As I share these thoughts I’m reminded of the saying, “You can do it all, just not all at once.” Whether it’s deciding what to put in my morning cup of joe or tackling obligations for the week, taking life one thing at a time makes everything more manageable. Be easy with yourself. Do what’s important. Do what matters now, now and save what matters later for later. Make a plan if you need to, just remember to adjust it as you go along, if needed. This may be natural for some, but for those of us that feel most comfortable with routine and control it can be quite overwhelming to relinquish that sense of safety. In the moments when I’m struggling or fearful of giving up my control I remind myself that control does not necessarily bring ease or grace. If it did, I would not be in need of anything more, because I have the art of control down to a T! I try to remember that I’m currently feeling overwhelmed by everything I’m trying to juggle, and that no level of planning or control I have brought to the situation has remedied that. So, evidently there is a better way than through control. I have found that way to be presence. Through the use of presence we can wake up before we wig out and make real time decisions that serve our highest good. Our bodies can be our guide if we take the time to listen to what they are saying and to learn from our experiences. If you aren’t quite sure what I mean by that, don’t be discouraged. Living in this way takes practice. If it’s new to you, give it time. Experiment. Play with some of the ideas I’ve given in this post and see what you notice. You’ll get there!
So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed or like your decisions haven’t quite been producing the outcome you desire, take some time to practice these principles. Pay attention. Notice, both in and on action. That is, note feelings, responses, and outcomes both as they are happening in real time and again later, when you reflect back on the situation. Get more familiar with your body and what subtle feelings represent. Do you have a flashing thought of grabbing a certain herb in the morning? When you reach for one of your usual supplements do you feel some resistance or a subtle no? Are you curious as to why you’re leaning toward NutPods when you usually do Bulletproof Coffee? Pay attention and experiment with these flashes of information. They are likely your body’s way of communicating with you. Get comfortable taking up space (as opposed to walking through life unseen, even by your self, and on autopilot). Give yourself permission to make change and let yourself off the hook for how you think things should be done, making room for how you really want to do them - how you are being guided to do them. Make choices that serve you. Be conscious. Stay awake.
As always, I’d love to hear how this post resonates with you or perhaps what fears it touched. Drop me a line or comment here! Peace~
