Tuesday was wild. I started my day thinking about Immunity to Change (ITC), a process I learned during my master’s program. Kevin and I had been discussing some things the day before and this process is one of my favorites for uncovering shadow parts of myself and competing commitments, unknown to me. So, once Jagger was headed off to school, I decided to re-visit some of the work I had done years before, going through old writings and notebooks, before completing a new ITC Map for myself. As perfection would have it, this led me to a paper I had written eight years ago with many gems, relevant to what I was going through that day. While I didn’t plan to read that paper, after doing so I was even more ready to embark on a new ITC journey and re-visit some of my current struggles. Little did I know, it would also completely change how I would experience a blood draw I had later that day.

Reading that paper reminded me of the power in slowing down, regrouping, and making informed, intentional decisions. See, I had been experiencing an internal struggle over the blood work I had planned for the day. I was feeling great that morning, which I needed in order to have labs drawn. However, I hadn’t felt great in days, so I was simultaneously not wanting to spend my “good day” in bed after lab work. That struggle, coupled with the nuggets in that paper that I just happened to stumble upon, created a space where I was able to give myself the freedom to put blood work off if the timing truly didn’t feel right. I was able to free up some space around the growing pressure to just get it done already! and allow myself the time to get it done when I was actually ready. I was able to give my body complete freedom to make the wisest decision for my overall well being, knowing the blood work would get done, whether now or in the future. It wasn’t urgent. I could breathe.

As I settled in I revisited my conflict about getting blood drawn that day. I was feeling good after several days of fatigue, lethargy, and overall apathy for life and it was a warm, sunny, beautiful day to breathe in some fresh air. I simply did not want to waste a “good day” in bed due to the rest usually required of me after a blood draw. It was in that moment, that what I had written eight years prior collided with all my fears about ruining an entire day with blood work, that I noticed my big assumption - I assumed that if I had blood work I would be bed bound and fatigued the rest of the day. As I read this back now it seems obvious, this big assumption. However, until this moment it was not an assumption. It was a fact. Based in past experience and coping mechanisms. So, when the assumption became clear, I decided to challenge it by considering that a different option was possible. What if I had an amazing phlebotomist, my body responded well, and I got through it with energy left to enjoy the sunshine day? In actuality, it was more of a sudden conscious awakening than a decision on my part. I was suddenly aware of this alternate possibility and it felt “right,” in alignment with truth. In that moment this new idea instantaneously became my truth. My attention was diverted away from what I had feared and was now engulfed with this new possibility. In actuality, it felt more like it was just the way things were than a possibility of how they could be. I could feel the badass girl within rising. I didn’t even have to do anything. I simply felt what was coming up and allowed room for it to be there.

Somehow, in the midst of all of this (and possibly thanks to the low dose Xanax I had taken just before leaving home), I wasn’t feeling nervous at all about this blood draw.. a major change for me. It simply became something I needed to do and it felt like that day was a good day to do it. It was just one of the things I was going to do that day, rather than something that would consume the entirety of the hours left until bedtime. So, I geared up with my thigh high compressions, abdominal binder, the aforementioned low dose of Xanax, a mantra, essential oils, and CBD oil and headed out to get the damn thing done. For me, my new awareness did not exclude the support I’ve come to know and love. Rather, it was all inclusive. On the ride there I spoke with Kevin about how I was feeling and what I wanted to do later that day, a big change from previous trips to the lab. I had taken in plenty of fluids and made myself some bulletproof coffee and a piece of grain free toast an hour or so before leaving home and now I sipped a Vitamin Water Zero on the car ride there, being sure to save some for the procedure. Pro tip: guzzling fluids when feeling faint helps keep you conscious!

When I arrived at the lab I was feeling some adrenaline, partly because I’d never been there and partly because I was getting my blood drawn.. Hello, adrenaline surges are REAL! When my buzzer went off and the practitioner opened the door to call me back I walked, perhaps more confidently than ever, in to meet my fate. When I requested a recliner the phlebotomist was immediately accommodating. She was probably the most knowledgable I have ever encountered. Remember the part of my newfound conscious awareness that included a kick ass phlebotomist?! Well, I got one! I laid back, she gave me a few extra tips (did you know if you inhale deeply before, then exhale forcefully during needle insertion it helps the vagal reflex?), and stayed present with me through the entire process. She reminded me to slow my breathing and was completely accommodating as Kevin lifted my legs part way through and I guzzled my Vitamin Water Zero. Honestly it was one of the fastest and least painful draws I’ve ever had. Yes, my body still responded with a vagal reflex which meant I got a bit nauseous and light headed and had to stay laying for a bit, then seated, shivering so cold my teeth chattered, for several minutes after, but I DID IT! Kevin was impressed. I later found out why. She had taken FIVE vials from me. That may be a record. And, no faint?! Whoa!

When I got home Kevin set me up with my heating pad, fluids, and a blanket so I could warm up and re-set. He then made me our version of a reuben (grain free, sugar free, and super yummy of course) so I could replenish myself and get back in the groove. Before long I was ready to get back to my ITC maps, play some P-I-G with Jagger, make dinner, and even go on a little bike ride. Sure there was plenty of rest in between (some relaxing in the sun), not to mention nourishing food and fluids, and dinner was pretty easy. Still, what I did this week was a huge accomplishment and provided a meaningful experience for me to look back on when I’m feeling down or weak.

When we’re having rough days it’s nice to know we’ve had good ones to remind us that they do exist. Will my next blood draw be so successful? I can’t answer that for certain and at the same time I can say I expect it to be. What I do know is that having an experience like this one helps me see that they are possible and that is something to celebrate.

This week I encourage you to think about an assumption that is holding you back. Maybe, like my assumption, it’s a belief that is taking a “good day” away from you or perhaps it has a longer lasting effect like keeping you in a hurtful relationship. Whatever your assumption, however it is impacting your life, take some time this week to come up with ways to challenge it. See what new possibilities enter your conscious awareness. That’s all it takes. That is powerful.