My Feels

I spent all day yesterday in my feels. Going deep into my feelings is one of my spiritual practices. While it can be painful and/or uncomfortable to feel EVERYTHING, I’ve also learned that it’s a necessary step toward uncovering what it is that I’m really yearning for.

It was interesting that such a deeply emotional day came on the heels of such a fun and magical one. I had just had my ugly sweater party the night before and spent the evening laughing, dancing, and playing with some of my favorite people. It was this act of going deep into my bliss that promoted my desire to feel even more bliss and that experience was the exact fuel I needed to highlight some areas that felt just a smidge off. Utilizing the practice of noticing, I got curious about how, when bumped up against pure joy, those tiny incongruences could feel so massively out of alignment and what it meant for me moving forward. What exactly felt off? What would feel better? Where was I being drawn to shift?

So, I sat in it. I rolled around in the pure agony and sorrow, not even fully knowing why they were there. I noticed that these uncomfortable feelings didn’t override the joy and bliss; they coexisted with it. I dipped in and out of reminiscing joyfully about the night before and feeling the pain of discontent, even though I wasn’t quite sure of the source.

Even though I didn’t yet understand what exactly was “off.” I knew something was. My body wouldn’t allow me to bypass this knowing. It was an agonizing feeling like something wanted out, but couldn’t quite make its way to the surface. So, I stayed there - letting it come up, asking for it to make itself known. Then, finally, after a day of pure agony, there it was. It did. It rose to the top and in an instant I knew. I knew what was off, what was calling for change… and it was so simple. An easy tweak. Then, all was well.

No, it’s not always so simple. Sometimes the “easy tweak” is walking away from a life you’ve spent years building. Sometimes it’s more than a simple phone call or text. Sometimes it’s fucking hard, near impossible… but it’s always worth it.

The closest example I can think of is when we feel nauseous, in those moments before throwing up (I know it’s kind of gross, but so relevant). We know whatever is in there wants out, but it’s just not ready to come up yet. So, we find ourselves miserable, rolling around in bed or on the floor, hoping, praying it will just come out so we can feel better. Once it does we usually DO feel SO much better. However, we have to feel the discomfort to even be aware that something isn’t agreeing with us… that something wants out. Without the nausea we would have no idea what was going on in there, or what changes we may want to make to feel better in the future.

Life often happens like this. Sometimes it takes a day, sometimes twelve. Sometimes a month, sometimes a year. One thing is for sure, if we are courageous enough to sit with our feelings, they will reveal themselves. They will show us the meaning underneath them and how we can create more of what we really want. Wisdom will arise. We will move on. It’s just a matter of time.

There are no shortcuts to this process. Numbing out, ignoring, distracting from, and avoiding what we are feeling will never work because without the wisdom that lives in our feelings we will never be able to change the circumstances that are creating them. Without changing the circumstances we will always remain in a perpetual cycle of feeling dis-ease followed by numbing/ignoring/distracting/avoiding only to find that when the coping mechanisms are gone we still feel just as shitty as we did when it all began. The real power, our power, is in stepping out of that cycle and choosing differently.

Learning to use our feelings as the wise messengers they are helps us create a lifestyle where we embrace EVERYTHING - both feelings of ease and dis-ease - because we believe in the wisdom our feelings offer us. We believe that this wisdom has the potential to impact our life in such a profound way that we actually honor the process rather than trying to push it away, so that we can transform into a higher version of ourself.

If you want to know more about this process or are struggling to find your way, contact me. I am here for you. Big love and namaste.

XOXO ~Amanda