This morning as I reached for my mug I was inspired by one I had bought several years ago. It simply said “Feminist.” I remember proudly buying that mug as an extension of my disgust for things happening in the world at the time and then putting it down for months, again disgusted, this time by the very people I had so deeply resonated with just a few short months before. I saw this as time for some much needed introspective reflection, Obviously the meaning I had placed on the word “feminist” was not the same as what I was now seeing reflected back to me.

So, I took some time to unpack just what I meant when I said “I’m a feminist,” how that felt in my unique body, and how I might be more clear on my communication of that specific and personal meaning when I used the word (both energetically and with my words and actions). As I broke apart the structure of what I was now understanding feminism to mean to others, I could more clearly see the riffs and areas where it broke from the sacred spiritual I believe women to hold. It appeared hard rather than soft, pushing rather than receptive, closed off rather than vulnerable, and ignored the unique wisdom, gifts, and rhythms that are an innate part of the divine feminine AND a necessary piece of the polarity needed to create complementarity in life. And why do we need complementarity? Because complementarity creates wholeness. One definition says it’s “the quality of being different but useful when combined” (Cambridge Dictionary). It’s how we create MORE. More than we could create on our own, with only one of the energies at play (such as what (we have come to know as) the traditional model of feminism aims to do). In my estimation women having equal rights as men does not equate to women being the same as men. Furthermore I would float the idea that this model of feminism actually makes room for me to be less of what we want from them, not more. Why?

When we as women are committed to living from our divine feminine, which I believe is true feminism, we require that men step up and handle us well. We require that men hold us in the same high regard that we hold ourselves, because we won’t step in and do the heavy lifting for them when they fail us, and ultimately us. We will instead find a man whose absolute pleasure is to see us in our absolute pleasure AND is willing and able to to offer the containment, resources, and attention necessary to take us deeper into our pleasure because they have already created that containment and those resources for themselves.

This isn’t to say that we sit back and do nothing, although that is what it can look and maybe even feel like at times. The divine feminine MUST be completely attuned to her desire, her yeses and nos AND have her inner masculine developed enough to hold the boundaries of those dreams, desires, yeses, and nos even when… especially when… it feels hard, scary, and otherwise difficult to do so. She must invest in getting to know herself so intimately that she will accept nothing less than her absolute pleasure in life, relationship, career, friendship, and especially marriage.

This means that we must give up the excuses we have made for the unhealthy masculine. These excuses are often disguised as things like:

• “I’ll just do it myself.”

• Lauging off that “men can be such babies.”

• Making absentee fathering okay.

• Believing men are just too stupid to understand any of “this stuff”/work on themselves/do the spiritual-emotional work.

• Emasculating, side remarks to and about the men in our lives rather than celebrating their wins and shoring up our own boundaries.

If we don’t want to be degraded as women then we must stop degrading men. We must stop acting like they are incapable of doing the very things innate to their divine masculine. We must start acting from and celebrating the divine feminine and masculine as the polarities that they are.

This is not to say that women can’t be badass business owners, hold high ranking jobs, and get paid big money for their gifts. Of course they can and if it is in their pleasure, they should! It’s just to say that, in my observation, a woman shouldn’t take on these roles or any others in order to “pick up the slack” for a man, because it robs both of the pleasure felt when they each hold their own unique polarity and create something majestic with the two. It’s important to notice the subtle differences in the intentional (and sometimes unconscious) underpinnings of an action as this distinction holds incredible power where creation is concerned.

For me, being a feminist means I am committed to my divine feminine and because I have developed a healthy inner masculine, I am prepared to protect her at all costs, even if that means I don’t get my dreams. I won’t settle for less. Yes, it can be painful to hold the yearning of desire and the absence of its manifestation. However, I have found it to be more painful to settle for less than my desire and wonder if I could have had it all.

This is just something to think about. Some or all of it may resonate with you. Some or all of it may not. Take what does, leave the rest. Let your own definition of “divine feminism” take shape within you. What does it feel like? How might you begin playing with it in your day to day? What’s one thing you want to start or stop in order to support YOUR desire? And for the love of goddess, please stop letting man-children off the hook so easily! Hold men accountable, if by nothing other than your actions, your decisions, being committed to your own inner feminine, husbanding yourself, being in your desire - your pleasure - whatever it takes. That’s the real fuck you to the system - not, taking on more roles, work, and responsibility! Don’t we already have enough of those? Let’s not exhaust ourselves more, ladies. Let’s lean into our desire, our pleasure, our divine feminine, and create change from there. This is divine feminism.

When women stop doing the jobs of men AND hold the frequency of desire, perhaps men will be guided back to their own divine masculine once again. We are all lighthouses for one another, in some way, shape, or form. Only you know your role and what feels most pleasurable to you. Sink in. It will likely take time and lots of practice. There are many intricacies to be explored, felt into, played with, and learned. Give yourself the freedom to PLAY as this is an expression of the divine feminine too.

Big love. XOXO

~Amanda