Today I’m sharing my top tips for a successful date night and why it needs to be the first thing you keep on your calendar when you’re feeling exhausted and over scheduled. While some of you may not be able to fathom alonetime with your significant other, leaving the kids out of the fun, or actually putting yourself on your calendar, I’m here to tell you it is necessary and, once you get in the swing, one of the most pleasure inducing gifts you’ll ever give yourself. So, grab your beverage of choice, kick your feet up, and get ready for reignited passion, both in and out of the bedroom.

I get it, we all have shit to do. The question, is your significant other on the list (if you know what I mean)? While I’m not a fan of scheduling actual sex (hey, if it works for you who am I to judge?), I love the idea of planning activities that lead to the same outcome. I like to call it setting yourself up for a fuckable environment without scheduling an actual fuck. This is most definitely not about the obligatory sex we sometimes feel necessary in a long term, committed relationship. That shit’s for the birds! Mama doesn’t play that game. I’m referring to passion engaging, mind blowing discussions and activities that turn the heat index all the way to HOT.. meaning you won’t be able to wait to get naked. Here are my top tips for reigniting the passion and getting your sexy on.

First off, authenticity is hot as fuck. I absolutely adore getting to know my man in new ways. Believe it or not, no matter how long you’ve been together, there’s always something new to unveil and share with one another. Create time to talk and I mean really talk. Ask those burning questions, express your deepest desires, tell your partner your dreams and fears, listen to theirs, and most of all make room for them to be who they are rather than who you think they are. This can be done in all sorts of ways. Put the kids to bed a little early, cozy up on the couch, open a bottle of wine, and dive into the deep end exposing your most secret vulnerabilities . Grab a coffee and talk about the projects you’re dying to begin. Take a mid-day walk, hold hands, and discuss what really scares you. However, you choose to do it, make time to get to know your lover, over and over again. There’s so much to learn! Just remember, this takes practice and presence, so be patient with one another and don’t be afraid to try again if the first time is a flop.

Next, acknowledge that sometimes we need to sex it up a little. For me, that usually means I need an actual reason to get out of yoga pants and put some makeup on, especially since I mostly work from home. A great way to do this is to put a real life date night on our calendar every few weeks. Use the opportunity to get gussied up, and hit the town. It could be a drink at a local bar, dinner, or… if you’re really feeling yourself... dancing. Whatever you choose NO kid talk is allowed. The point is to feel like a grown ass man or woman and remind yourself and one another of all the parts that sometimes get lost in the mundane, yet comforting, daily routine. It’s easy to get sucked into day to day responsibilities and forget that you even have a sensual side to tend to. Whatever that looks like for you - yummy food, art museums, hikes, wine tasting, concerts - do it! And, don’t forget to touch while you’re on your rendezvous. It’ll boost sex hormones and make you feel more connected. Guys, let me translate, if you want to rock your woman’s world you’ve got to penetrate her - mind, body, and spirit. Mind-blowing sex requires attention in all these areas, not just one.

While we’re on the subject of touch, don’t forget to kiss! Kissing, and I’m talking really kissing, is a key ingredient for connectedness, euphoria, and you guessed it, hot sex. While date night is a great time to practice, don’t save this one for planned events. Do it on the daily. If affection isn’t really your thing more than a quick peck may feel awkward at first. Hang in there, you’ll thank me later. There’s nothing like unexpected smooches throughout the day to reset the mind and give the libido a boost. It’s scientific! The transfer of sex hormones through saliva has been shown to increase arousal and decrease cortisol, the stress hormone. So get your smooch on!

My final date night do is pay attention to how you feel. It’s easy to over indulge when we’re having a good time or nervous about leaving the kids with a sitter. Then again, the fear of being called home may cause others to not indulge at all. The problem with this is it often leads to less, not more (connection, sex, joy, and health). So, use this time to practice feeling your best. What do you really want to eat, drink, talk about, wear? Do you feel satisfied or are you wanting more? Less? For instance, while one or two drinks may put you in sexy mode and amplify the chemistry between you and your partner, too many can dull the clarity and set emotions ablaze (not to mention make you too sick or tired for the fun stuff). However, not allowing yourself any play can leave you feeling stuck in old patterns and unable to fully enter the experience. Same goes for food, conversation, clothes, all of it! Notice how you feel and adjust accordingly. I’ve found this practice to be the quickest way to joy. It’s a game changer and will instantly take your date night from drab to fab.

I hope these tips inspire you to re-connect with your significant other and make play time more fun! As always, I’d love to hear from you. Drop me a line if you’d like to share your favorite ways to keep the passion going in your relationship.